Steve Jobs Takes iShit

CUPERTINO—Apple Inc. CEO Steve Jobs startled members of the press Tuesday when he dropped his pants on stage and defecated into what Jobs called the iPot.

The shiny, metallic toilet, conspicuously devoid of a lid or handle, drew gasps from onlookers.

“Today marks a new era,” Jobs said. “I’ve just taken the world’s first iShit.”

The pile of Jobs’ fecal matter, comprising chunks of guys like you and what appeared to be a Starbucks wrapper, was smartly shaped and odorless.

“The iPot will revolutionize the way we live and shit,” Jobs continued. “Imagine filing your taxes, ordering dinner, or visiting the gynecologist—all with your underwear around your ankles.”

Jobs then stood as the iPot flushed itself while playing Madonna’s “4 Minutes” and peppering Jobs’ buttocks with scented powder.

Initially, the iPot will come in an entry-level 1.6 gallon version ($3,995) and a more robust 3.5 gallon version ($4,995). However, the device will require homeowners to refit their homes with Apple-approved pipe.

Microsoft head Bill Gates will speak in Chicago next week, where he is expected to pee into a garbage pail outfitted with a typewriter and CB radio.

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